No rest for the Weary

I think I know what insomnia feels like. It's not something I've ever had a problem with, but let me tell you - it's the damndest thing. I'll be bone-tired, barely able to keep my eyes open and knowing, deep down, than any further words I read printed upon the pages glowing so brilliantly beneath the halogen lights will but gloss across my memory like flat, smooth stones across a glassy sea at sunset. Perhaps they'll leave ripples, but they won't sink in. That's probably not the best analogy, because the stones will sink eventually - but the words won't sink in where I want them to; they won't slide comfortably down into the highway between short term and long term memory. So, when I get to that point, I quit - I pack up my things and go home, because anything else would just be a waste of time.

Like lobotomized zombie on a high dose of sedatives, I shower and/or brush me teeth - I can't really say; it's generally pretty bluury. With the finality of a really, really big tree falling for the first and last time into twilit leaf litter (because that's how I like to think of myself), I fall into bed, anticipating a deep and dreamless sleep. However, forty minutes later, I'm tossing and turning. It's like I'm missing some neural process necessary to completely descend the column of sleep, but rather hover between merely having my eyes closed and the beginnings of drifting off - when I'm sudenly yanked back to wakefulness. I thought that perhaps it was due to the heat - so I duct-taped 15 tall, white trashbags to my windows (which aren't really windows - they're wooden slats covered by mosquito screens), and turned up the AC. Oddly enough, that didn't really work.

It's really very strange. It almost always (listen to me - I'm talking like I'm a regular insomniac, but in actuality it's only been three or four times) happen when I'm really tired, and when I really need to study the next day. Truly, I have no idea, but I think there may be something I'm allergic to. Maybe it's my subconscious mind, running blindly through the ever-increasingly convoluted corridors of my memory like a screaming four-year old (but, since it's subconscious, it's completely unbeknownst to me - which is why I don't know what's going on).

I have three practical coming up next week - anatomy, histology, and neuroscience. Then, the week after that, I have 5 shelf exams from the National Board of Medical Examiners. After those, I have the third mini exam. I REALLY need to sleep. As much as it truly hurts my heart to consider, I might have to institute a "no coffee after dinner" policy.